About Me

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I was born and raised in Detroit, Michigan. I am still living in the area, although I spent 3 years in Germany (Stuttgart). Fighting the age long battle against the bulge. Some days I am winning, some days the bulge is winning. I hang out with my dogs (three toy fox terrierists) and husband.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Weight Loss Battle

(p.s. This is Ramon, and not the physician who insulted me. Ramon is a sweetheart from Peru that will be leaving me in late June of this year.)

Yup, still fighting this one. And it's not a battle any longer, it's a war. Unfortunately, 2006 was the year that I gained most of what I lost in 2005. Not quite back to square one, but not too far off. I want to win the battles that will eventually lead me to win the war.

But why? Why do I do this to myself? Why can't I retrain myself to eat more healthy. What am I waiting for? I know that I don't want to have weight loss surgery, I don't want any more of the obesity issues than I already have (i.e., joint pain and high blood pressure). I don't want to have to ask for the seat belt extender on an airplane trip.

And I don't want the humilation that one of the doctors did to me one day while standing in line for food - which I was actually getting something healthy that day - salad, etc. He said to me "Why are you getting food, you don't need it." You could have heard a pin drop - there were only about another 12 people around. I wheeled around, looked at him and put my plate in his hand and walked away. I was so furious that I could have strangled him. I have still yet to forgive him in his highly educated ignorance - and I certainly am never going to forget him (imagine years from now "Oh I remember him - he's the a$$hole who insulted me").

I have eaten really good this week - especially since Tina, my Weight Watcher leader, asked to see my tracker this coming week. I have kept it pretty good - of course I have - the "teacher" asked for it!! Last Thursday, I had a bad evening and had too many snacks, and Sunday I had a few more merengues than I should have had. But basically I did okay. Time will tell on Thursday at noon when I weigh in.

But, I digress. Why haven't I been able to keep up with this? Do I think that little of myself that I don't want to take care of what I have? I know that when I hurt my knee last spring, I gave up with the exercise, but why should that affect what I throw in my mouth? Why can't I keep the momentum moving? What the f**k is my problem?

There are two WW programs - Flex and Core. In my tracker, I am trying to keep track of the foods that are on the Core food plan. They are supposed to be more filling and satisfying than the food that aren't on the plan. For those foods, I can use Flex points. I am just going to try to increase the amount of these foods that I eat, which should make me feel fuller and should help me with my weight loss.

Tina - I am doing this for you. Well, no I'm not. I'm doing it because I need to. Because I want to. Because I want to.

*edited on 5/9/07 because I realized that the whole WWW doesn't need to be bombarded with my foul language.....

1 comment:

Kat BM said...

You and me both Liz!! why why why??? I can't seem to control my eating either. I wish I could offer you more than I'll always be there for ya.... and I promise If I ever figure it I'll share!